April 25, 2015
Hi, Subscribers ~.
I would like to welcome my newest subscribers! Thanks for stopping by.
We are on to a new topic. This is for self reflection.
If you could start your life over again, what would you change?
We don’t get to pick our parents or siblings, but as adults (18+) we do have control over most of the choices we make, such as:
- Dropping out of high school
- Dropping out of college
- Getting married too young
- Having children too soon
- Getting hooked on smoking or other drugs
- Letting someone you really loved get away
We are all in this boat and many of us are drowning.
Most of us don’t get that second chance in life, but we can get some of it.
It is called a compromise.
Here’s an example: One of my brothers has an incredibly busy job. Many years ago I asked him what he would do over. He said instantly he wanted to be in a Rock ‘n Roll band. So, this is how he handled it: while still working, he gathered some musical friends together. They formed a Rock ‘n Roll band. They have gigs on weekends and are still going strong after 12 years. Are they rolling in money? Nope. But, he got rid of a regret and is having a blast.
What could we do to help our husbands and wives reach a compromise for something they regret?
I knew a man who started his own small business. After working for two years, he hired a part-time housekeeper for his wife. Why? He told me: (1) He never again wanted to see his wife on her hands and knees cleaning a toilet; (2) He wanted to free up her time so she could take singing lessons. She had always wanted to be a professional singer, but as with all of us, life got in the way.
Then she did something crazy cool. She set up a movie camera, moved stuff around in the basement and set up a mock stage with lights and a glittering curtain backdrop. Then, using pre-recorded music, she filmed herself singing her favorite songs. Their friends found out about it and wanted to see her films. She refused, saying this was her private fantasy and she wanted to keep it that way. So, she did and kept on recording.
Is her husband cool or what? That housekeeper cost him $40 a week. What did he give up in order to give this loving gift to his wife? He traded in his family’s cell phone plan for a much less expensive one.
A wife knew her husband had been depressed for years. He was a compulsive worker staying late at night and even going to work on weekends. They didn’t need the money, but he grew up very poor and was terrified of going back to that.
She got together with some other wives and they all bought season tickets to professional football for each of their husbands. Her husband totally panicked because he knew how expensive they were. But, after the first game sitting with his friends in the stands, he started to relax and over time, was able to ease himself out of his working obsession and have fun. This jolted him out of his rut, and he started going to a lot of sporting events with his buddies. Did his work suffer? Heck, no. He attacked his work with renewed energy and couldn’t wait to get out of there at 5:00pm to meet the guys for a drink and friendly banter.
Did his wife suffer? Absolutely not. She was relieved to get back the wonderful man she had married. She helped that scared little boy inside feel safe, blossom and grow. What did she give up? Nothing. He had never really been there for her anyway, physically or emotionally. But now that he was home a lot more often, their social life improved. He even took her dancing every month. Like most men he wasn’t crazy about it, but he knew she loved it. She got paid back rather than giving up anything.
Last but not least, I was at my regular grocery store on a beautiful summer afternoon. I was in the check-out line. The woman in front of me was in a hurry. She kept making bitchy remarks to the young girl at the register telling her to hurry up. Then the clerk needed a price check, so it slowed things down even more and she blamed the girl.
I blew up and grabbed her arm, saying: “Do you really think this beautiful young girl wants to be stuck inside this grocery store when all of her friends are out having fun? She is working because she has to. She’s attending the local college and needs the money for books and tuition. I know because she told me so. A lot of the young people working here are doing it for that exact same reason. She deserves respect – not your selfish bitchy comments!” She glared at me, grabbed her groceries and left.
That young girl working at a supermarket for college. Now there’s a compromise!
In closing, life is about trade-offs. What are you willing to give up in order to get rid of some of your regrets?
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