January 26, 2015

Hi, Subscribers ~

In high school, one day I stepped out of my comfort zone and went up to a group of guys who were having lunch. They were true geeks., but they seemed to ace everything regarding math in class and boy, did I need help.

I was surprised to find them fascinating. In general, they are more interested in techy things than in people, so their social skills were a little awkward. But it was fun to realize that they were not neurotic like the rest of us. That’s why they could wear plaid ties and saddle shoes.

These were the same guys who gravitated toward each other and sat at their own table in the cafeteria. No one wanted to sit with them because they were not “cool”. But when we got into college, these were the same guys we ran to when we had to take physics. Or, at least I did.

I invited them over to my next party because we had become friends. But I didn’t just leave them hanging there. I stayed with them and made a point of introducing them to other people in the room. I nudged things along and told people these were the guys who came to my rescue and helped me pass physics.

When people saw that I liked them, they went out of their way to talk to them. As I watched, I realized people respect intelligence no matter what the source and I learned a good life lesson to stop being so superficially judgmental.

It still blows my mind, that multi-millionaire Bill Gates, who was probably sitting at that corner table in the cafeteria, still hasn’t found anyone who can cut his hair right.

I had an odd date with a guy once who seemed to enjoy steering the conversation towards his mother. He said he hated her and went on and on about it. I didn’t know what to say. He said he wasn’t living at home, but the whole thing felt weird to me.

When he was finally through, I simply said: “I’m sorry to hear that”. Period. Once I gained some perspective, I realized this guy had Ted Bundy written all over him.  Now when on a date, I will casually throw in a question about his mother and wait. So far, so good. This is actually a great filter!

I accidentally found a great way to meet men. I was at the supermarket, came out to the car and threw in the groceries. When I went to start the car it wouldn’t do anything.  I couldn’t even turn the key. I went outside, and pulled up the hood, stabilized it and just stared into it. I had no idea what I was looking for.

Suddenly men started coming over to see what was wrong.  They figured it out – it was some computerized safety issue which required me to push a button on the dash to unlock the engine.  It was really fun to watch these guys in action, asking me questions I could not answer and still working away at it. Maybe it made them feel chivalrous. I later mentioned this to a woman I knew, and she seemed to enjoy dashing my fantasy: “Oh, men just like to fix things. Women like to talk it to death.”  Oh.

Some of the best advice I ever got came from my father. It was just before I left home for college, and I didn’t see this one coming at all. He told me: “Don’t let the man choose you. You choose the man.” He told me this would become crystal clear as I got older. It did.

Best wishes,


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