March 25, 2016
Hi, subscribers and welcome to my new ones!
There are many people in the world who are called “high functioning alcoholics”. I have dated them and I have worked with them. So have you, even if you didn’t know it.
Here are some behaviors to look for on a date:
When he arrives to pick you up, he smells of scotch or some drink much harder than beer. I can almost promise you he has had at least two strong drinks prior to coming over.
Once you are seated at a restaurant, he is immediately looking around for your waiter. He will try to act casual, but his eyes are definitely not on you. Either is the conversation. He is constantly looking around the room and casually say: “Well, I wonder where our waiter is?” He is nudgy and nervous. Sometimes he will just grab any waiter to order a drink. He’ll feel annoyed when the waiter says he will get his waiter.
Watch what happens when his drink arrives. How many gulps does he take to finish the drink.? It is usually three. “Nursing” a drink is not in his vocabulary.
Here’s an example that happened to me and is a dead give-away.
I was on a date and ordered a Margarita. I’m good for only one drink as I don’t drink regularly, so I can get plastered pretty fast.
Just before we started to get up to leave, he immediately reached across the table, grabbed my drink and asked: “Are you going to finish this?” I said no, so he finished it for me.
I once worked with a very nice lady who was probably in her 50’s. Well dressed, good social skills. One night I got a call from her. She kept saying: “Oh, Ann I love you. You are such a nice person.” etc. We never talked like that at work! It wasn’t until the second phone call that I realized she was very drunk. I think she is what is called a “closet alcoholic”.
These people show up at work looking and acting totally sober. But, when they get home, out comes the bottle.
I saw an interview on TV that the actor Dick Van Dyke (Mary Tyler Moore show) said he always showed up sober for work, but drank at least a quart of booze once he was home.
How do people like this get up in the morning and show up for work not looking or acting drunk? I guess their bodies acclimate to it, I don’t know.
I was once with my boss and his friend while we ate lunch at a restaurant. They kept filling up his small water glass on a regular basis. Two gulps and it was gone. I was so naive. It was pure vodka.
A lot of people with a drinking problem drink vodka during the day because they think it won’t smell.
There is also another trait you should know about alcoholics and it is an important one. There is a medical term called “alcoholic blackout”. This means the part of the brain that serves as our memory gets totally shut down when saturated with alcohol. They remember NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING after drinking too much.
So, it is easy to get into a lot of arguments with them when they disagree with you. They do not remember the original conversation from yesterday evening.
Sometimes it can go even minute-to-minute. You can call them a a jerk and they won’t react to it. They literally do not remember what you said one second after you said it.
I am pretty sure that once they are in the minute-to-minute deterioration, that memory part of their brain is shot permanently.
Beware of the angry drunk. After two beers they get pissed off about everything. They are the ones who start fights in bars.
Many women get raped by these guys and the poor woman is asking why? She’ll be asking why for the rest of her life. If the guy is drunk enough and he rapes a woman, there is a good chance he won’t remember it.
Don’t go nuts…most guys certainly DO know when they have raped a woman. However, if his memory is saturated with booze, there is a good chance he might not remember it. Now he is serious trouble because when he is taken to court, he has no defense because he doesn’t remember it. Found guilty, it is a felony and he can kiss his butt goodbye for 20 years.
Interesting side note about rapists and prison. There is a hierarchy in prison. Prisoners consider the lowest of the low are child molesters. Just a small notch up from them are rapists.
A lot of abused women stay in relationships with men who are alcoholics who have a hair trigger temper. A lot of domestic abuse results from that.
You can size up a guy pretty fast after two beers. Does he challenge everything you say? Do small things piss him off? Trust your instincts and RUN. Never go back to him.
Always, always have at least $30 on you when you go on a date. Also have the name and phone number for the taxi services. Mine is firmly tape inside my wallet in a place I can easily see.
Of course, there are female alcoholics who mix it up with the wrong men and the men feel free to say: “Well, the bitch was asking for it.”
Okay, I’m going to lighten this up a little.
The best way to sober up a drunk is to make them eat. Not coffee, just food. If you can get them to eat a sandwich, cheese and crackers (or anything), they tend to sober up pretty fast. So, at your next party, when you notice someone getting tipsy, give them food.
In summary, being an alcoholic is a bitch. God bless the millions of men and women who are doing their very best to stay in recovery with AA and moving on with their lives.
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